Kicked & Spun

My new boyfriend Gym & I have been seeing each other for a few weeks now, & I have to say it is getting serious. I have worked out with my trainer Stephanie twice. We have a deal where I make her laugh for an hour & she kicks my ass. Oh, I also pay her. Feeling a bit more comfortable I decided it was time to give classes a shot. My good friend Casey also joined, & is already proving to be a wonderful workout buddy. Last night we attended our first Kick Boxing class. The 90 pound instructor started by explaining that this routine involved highly intensive choreography. I peed a little in my pants, flashing back to cheer leading tryouts freshman year where I couldn't master even those infantile steps. I basically flailed about in the back hoping not to be not to be noticed or go into cardiac arrest. Due to the wall to wall mirrors I couldn't avoid how ridiculous I looked. I breathed a sigh of relief that I'm not starring in a reality show. That's a scene I'd never live down.

This morning we went to a 5:30am Spin class. Pause for reaction. Spin makes my finger nails sweat & I love it. After my second class I have conquered my fear of being the only participant to fly over the handle bars on a stationary bike.

I haven't weighed myself yet. But I am no longer frightened at the sight when I step out of the shower. That my friends, is what we call "progress."

Gym. Tan. Bravo.

In an effort to lift my sagging Seattle spirits I have joined a gym. Rumor has it that working out releases endorphins which make you happy blah, blah, blah. Additionally, I unlike Sir Mix-A- Lot do not like big butts, particularly the one that has been following me around the last few months. When I signed up I was offered a complimentary one hour workout with a trainer. Richard Simmons wasn't available so I settled for a girl named Stephanie. There are all kinds of sexy male trainers, but I'd rather talk to them about well anything other than my "problem areas." I have been enjoying my workouts on my own but am hoping Stephanie will teach this fat dog some skinny tricks.

I have also embarrassingly enough resorted to tanning. I thought these crazy Jersey Shore characters are making mad money, perhaps they are on to something with this GTL business. Light therapy seemed like it would co-inside perfectly with my new gym routine.

As I previously blogged I have a severe fear of the laundry room, so I have catered the Jersey Shore schedule to suit my needs. I need Bravo. Bravo is chicken soup for the reality soul, it just lights up my life. There is not a housewives series I won't watch. Bring on Fargo, Kansas City, Yakima. I will watch them all, after the gym and tanning of course!

No One Likes Doing Laundry....

I like it the least! Not even because it costs $4.00 a load but because I am terrified of the laundry room in my building. I fear it like Kevin McCallister fears his basement. It looks like a storage room for dead people and smells like a storage room for clean dead people. The only logical thing to do is buy more underwear. Oh, and if I go missing tell the police to check the laundry room first.

Never Say You'll Never See Never Say Never

My name is Emily and I'm a Bieleber. I have loved Justin Bieber since One time, and I love him now that he is the ripe old age of 16 (in only the appropriate ways of course). It is no secret that my most intimate relationship is with my television. As a result I can recite the entire commercial for Justin's movie "Never Say Never." As many times as I have seen it, I still get misty. If anyone knows a fifteen year old that would like to see the very moving film it promises to be, let me know. Spread the word that I have a license and will spring for Sour Patch Kids.

Happy Happy New Year

I rang in 2011 in the most unbelievable way- celebrating the love of an amazing couple with my closest friends & hundreds of strangers. Dear sweet Molly joined her perfect match, Matt in wedded bliss in a beautiful New Years Eve ceremony. The lucky guests danced til 2am, we also ate, and maybe drank a little. My friends make the most stunning brides, and Molly was no exception. The wedding was one of the most elegant events I have had the privilege of attending. Thanks for falling in love and getting married guys! What are we doing next year?

I really needed a hell of a New Years because Christmas was truly miserable. I spent Christmas Eve drinking with well, I forget their names at a hotel bar. That is not even the sad part. I came home the next morning from my trip and spent the rest of the day with the Housewives of New Jersey. While I love these women, they don't really exude the Christmas spirit, especially Danielle ;) I cried all day. If I had anything in the house stronger than a butter knife I'd have been a goner for sure. After years of working and or being alone on holidays you would think I'd be used to it. Not yet....

After the wedding I jetted to Oahu with my loud mouthed Long Island lover, Michelle. We were taken in by my generous friend Billy (you all remember the futon story) and his girlfriend Kellie. They not only put a roof over our heads, but cooked for us (well Kellie did!), and gave us the most incredible insiders tour of the island. It was such a special way to kick off this year, and those memories keep my heart warm on these cold Seattle days.

I have a lot of hope for you 2011, don't let me down!

Sad But True

It is sad but true that my first post of 2011 is about The Bachelor. Also sad but true that Brad Womack is the only man in my life. Let it be known that this show brings me great pleasure, not even guilty pleasure people. That being said, it is so stupid! Each week the women are astounded by the grandiose dates that the show creators have produced, but seemingly give Brad the credit (I guarantee in 6 months he will be saying "I don't know, what you do want to do?"). Who wouldn't feel like they are falling in love drinking red wine on an outdoor bed fire side? They need to go to Applebee's and see how much fun they can really have. Months after these shows wrap, the happy couples break up and everyone asks why. Because real life is not a helicopter ride! Keep it up though ABC, I will be tuning in.

one happy meal, extra happy please!

I have been noticeably absent, or perhaps not from the blogosphere for the last couple of months. For no reason other than I don't have internet at my apartment. I have missed it dearly but the break from the world wide web has given me an opportunity to focus on my first love, cable television.

Speaking of, when I moved into my studio Tom Vaughn gifted me a hand-me-down television. Mind you his idea of a hand-me-down is quite different than most. A 57 inch HD resides in my humble abode. That's right I have a big screen tv and a futon in a studio, I think that officially makes me a bachelor. It looks completely ridiculous and I am sure is doing long term damage to my eyes. It is like sitting in the front row at the movies, but awesome I admit.

Life in Seattle has been a big adjustment particularly now, as the NW weather is sucking a big one. It took me 15 minutes to get my pretty little car out of its snowy spot this morning. I was cursing the car as the tires were spinning and burning. If the Elantra could talk back she'd have said "check the license plate bitch, I belong in California."

I have been so thrilled to be near my wonderful friends, but I still feel displaced. Seattle doesn't feel like home. But neither did Los Angeles, nor New York. They say that home is where the heart is, but sadly I can't live at the Olive Garden. I truly am at a loss for where I belong. I am obviously suffering from the sequel of my quarter life crisis.

In all seriousness I have been battling some nasty blues. I find this particularly excruciating because I consider myself a joyful person. Depression is just plain depressing and I am so over it. The festive season has inspired me to fix myself because I do have so much to be grateful for. My sensational friends who are so supportive and encouraging, my family, the frozen food in my fridge, the expensive roof over my head, and of course my killers legs. This year I am asking Santa for some happy.

I do hope that everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am grateful for you, and you and you. And the other 4 people that read this.

Cheers!