It is times like these that a boyfriend would certainly come in handy. A boyfriend, or a bell that produced a helpful house boy when I rang it. I am sick. Quite sick actually-I may even be dying. I can think of quite a few things I have done to deserve this but it still sucks royally. I wasn't feeling well yesterday but woke up this morning cursing, knowing just what it was. The bitch is back....
Bronchitis. My chest feels like someone took a match to it, it is on fiiiiiiiahhh. I am achy head to toe, dizzy, blah blah blah. I couldn't be a bigger baby when I am sick but at least I own it. Working is obviously hazardous to my health, I flew a 4 day trip & I'm falling apart. I have been laid up on the couch all day, though I did go to the doctor so she could confirm my diagnosis & supply my drugs. I left the house long enough to learn something new today. You can purchase home paternity tests at your local CVS Pharmacy (Maury is going to be pissed). They are conveniently located between the Magnum condoms & pregnancy tests. The Magnum condoms led to this thought-they make slip covers for the well-endowed so why not for the itsy bitsy teeny weenies? Or do they? Can anyone shed some light on the subject? As you can tell my day was wildly productive & thought provoking.
After my exhausting outing I came home to reclaim my post on the sofa. Jana's sofa that is, poor girl. Not sure she will want to take it considering there is a Homer Simpson dent suspiciously the size of my supple ass smack in the middle of it. I knew things were serious when I cracked open a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos & could only eat 4. Sad. Day.
Since I am likely dying I hereby bequeath my hand-me-down crack house mattress to the dump, my amazing futon to the Underprivileged Flight Attendants Association, & my....well that is all I own actually. Settled. Jana & Noel can fight over my clothes & left over boxed pastas.
Ok, Housewives & Chelsea are over & my prescription cough syrup/Ambien cocktail is kicking in. Time to retire to my room, sans boyfriend & sans bell :(
Big love.
ps-Birthday shout outs to the lovely miracle child Jenny & that Kiwi trader Boundsy! So glad you bitches were born!
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