I had a positively wonderful 4th of July a few weeks ago. I attended a roof top party with my room mate Noel. I drank & ate, but mostly drank. I enjoyed the summer sun, the incredible view, & the company of strangers.
At the end of the night I was ready to go, which apparently meant nothing to the cab company that was backed up for hours. After watching Charlie's Angels for about 5 minutes on Noel's boyfriend's couch I got the bright idea to walk home from Hermosa Beach to Redondo Beach. I went outside & a brighter idea came to me, hijack the Domino's delivery truck. Without a second thought I hopped in the front seat & waited. A stunned darling Mexican man got in a minute later. I begged for a ride home, pleading what I am sure was an obnoxious case. He told me he was happy to take me home but we had to make a couple of stops. Girardo & I became fast friends between deliveries & sooner than I knew it we were at 232 N Juanita. I will likely never see Girardo again, but I won't forget his kindness.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
For Her Eyes Only
It is my understanding that my audience primarily consists of my dedicated sorority sisters & there are likely two potential male readers. To those two, stop reading. This post is for her eyes only. Seriously. Stop.
Last week after exhaustive talk & questioning I decided to get my first Brazilian. This is extremely personal of course, but I feel that as a part of the healing process I need to share my story.
Upon arrival at the spa I was led to the pretty little room where I've been getting my brows done for months. Little did I know this quaint room was actually a torture chamber. My miniature Chinese torturess came in & instructed me to drop trou without so much as a hello. I tried to break the ice by cracking jokes, some of my top shelf material. She looked as though she hadn't smiled in at least 30 years, & made it clear she wasn't planning on starting today.
Without hesitation I can honestly say this was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Tears were swimming in my eyes & I was sweating like Tom Vaughn walking around the block. The torturess made my gynecologist seem like Santa Claus. I can assuredly say that she was getting a kick out of the supreme pain I was in. She is lucky she didn't get a kick in the head. My legs were uncontrollably flailing about. When I would whimper or yelp she would repeatedly say "almost done." She told me she was almost done about 37 times before I asked to her please stop saying it.
After she finished the basement she wanted to work on the back door. With tears in my eyes I said "no one goes back there, let's skip it."
The part I really can't get over is that I paid her to do that to me. I gave her cash money for that abuse. In my head she should be supplying me with some sort of compensation. A muffin basket perhaps?
Last week after exhaustive talk & questioning I decided to get my first Brazilian. This is extremely personal of course, but I feel that as a part of the healing process I need to share my story.
Upon arrival at the spa I was led to the pretty little room where I've been getting my brows done for months. Little did I know this quaint room was actually a torture chamber. My miniature Chinese torturess came in & instructed me to drop trou without so much as a hello. I tried to break the ice by cracking jokes, some of my top shelf material. She looked as though she hadn't smiled in at least 30 years, & made it clear she wasn't planning on starting today.
Without hesitation I can honestly say this was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Tears were swimming in my eyes & I was sweating like Tom Vaughn walking around the block. The torturess made my gynecologist seem like Santa Claus. I can assuredly say that she was getting a kick out of the supreme pain I was in. She is lucky she didn't get a kick in the head. My legs were uncontrollably flailing about. When I would whimper or yelp she would repeatedly say "almost done." She told me she was almost done about 37 times before I asked to her please stop saying it.
After she finished the basement she wanted to work on the back door. With tears in my eyes I said "no one goes back there, let's skip it."
The part I really can't get over is that I paid her to do that to me. I gave her cash money for that abuse. In my head she should be supplying me with some sort of compensation. A muffin basket perhaps?
Monday, July 5, 2010
NYC, OMG!
Jenny & I had an extraordinary mini vaca in New York City last week. The readers digest version goes something like: champagne, red wine, hookah, mojitos, sangria, hotdogs, hangover, repeat.My friend Rich was kind enough to vacate his Upper West Side apartment so Jenny & I could live the grand life at a price we could afford-free.
Jenny learned a lot of important NYC lessons, such as the danger of texting & jay walking, how to use the NYPD as a taxi service, pee in the street, etc. A very successful trip all in all.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Reunited & It Feels So Good!
My dear friend Jeff was in town this weekend. And where Jeff is, the party is. We had a wonderful time, but I am left still recovering. Am I getting old or what?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
One Big Nugget
I visited Spokane a couple of weeks ago to spend some QT with the fam. Tom Vaughn recently celebrated his 70th birthday! He swears he feels 45, I assured him he doesn't look it. Londa also had a birthday as did Barry. It was a lot of celebrating. Isn't it time for my birthday yet?
I was blown away by how much Kingston had grown. He is simply the happiest, most fun loving, joyful baby. We had an Auntie/Nugget Nephew bonding day just the 2 of us & he seems to love me just as much as I love him. But that doesn't mean much, he doesn't really discriminate. He will go to anyone, literally anyone. We are going to have to have the "stranger/danger" talk when he is a little older.
We picked up my dad & went to lunch which was hilarious for a number of reasons. One being TV was very concerned with where we could take a baby. I calmly explained to him that babies are people & it turns out they are welcome everywhere. After lunch I thought it would be fun to get Kingston some new duds. I strong armed dad into entering his personal hell, the mall next door. Baby Gap had so many adorable items, but we had to move fast, Super Market Sweep style as Tom Vaughn's shopping clock was ticking.
We picked up my dad & went to lunch which was hilarious for a number of reasons. One being TV was very concerned with where we could take a baby. I calmly explained to him that babies are people & it turns out they are welcome everywhere. After lunch I thought it would be fun to get Kingston some new duds. I strong armed dad into entering his personal hell, the mall next door. Baby Gap had so many adorable items, but we had to move fast, Super Market Sweep style as Tom Vaughn's shopping clock was ticking.
I feel my position as favorite Aunt is secure, especially since I literally have no competition. It breaks my heart that I can't see him more but am so grateful for the time that we do share. And I am also so proud of my beautiful sister for doing the tremendous job that she is raising him.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Cheers to Sex!
Finally, it is May 27th! Sex & the City 2 was released today! Jana & I had a very uptown sophisticated lunch of pizza & Cosmos. Then we spent the afternoon catching up with the girls. Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, & Samantha are doing well, very well it turns out. Jans & I felt so stealth for sneaking in treats from our favorite bakery, but the broads behind us were smart enough to smuggle booze. We were feeling a little dense but the brownie softened the blow.
When we got in the car Jana said "you are such a Samantha." You'd have thought she compared me to Gisele Bundchen. I was thrilled! Forget being pretty or smart, being Samantha takes the cake, or in my case-the brownie.
When we got in the car Jana said "you are such a Samantha." You'd have thought she compared me to Gisele Bundchen. I was thrilled! Forget being pretty or smart, being Samantha takes the cake, or in my case-the brownie.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Love Plane
This evening I read an article online written by AOL's "mystery flyer." This under cover reporter is writing a series, flying on the busiest airlines & spilling the dirty details of their experience from booking to landing. The first airline to be critiqued-United. The assessment was mostly positive, mostly. The onboard service received the lowest rating of 2.5 out of 5. Ouch. However silly it may be I cannot help but take this personally. It is tough to remember that I am 1 of 15,000 flight attendants & can only be concerned about my own job performance. I do sincerely wish that everyone was as happy to show up to work as I am. But I also wish that the passengers could put themselves in our ugly shoes from time to time.
During the second beverage service on a flight from DC this afternoon a woman seemed perplexed by the cart in the aisle & asked what we were serving. My flying partner replied "beverages" & looked away knowing this woman was special needs, enter...me. The passenger asked what we had, calmly & sweetly I went through the drink menu, the entire drink menu. After a long pause she explained that she was very thirsty, & asked "what is good for thirst?" I really wanted to give this dipshit 2.5 service, but I just couldn't help myself. I smiled, told her how great water was for thirst & threw in a wink for good measure.
After landing last night a family was upset because we wouldn't call for wheel chairs for their children who didn't want to walk. It was all I could do not to haul off & point out the Cancer patient who was graciously waiting for the chair that she NEEDED.
Flying isn't what it used to be, not even close. This is true for passengers & flight attendants alike. Getting hissed at for not having pillows, blankets, or pretzels sucks royally. If I had a dollar for every eye roll I would be a rich bitch. I'd love nothing more than my passengers to fly on a stack of pillows wrapped in down blankets, choking down an Auntie Anne's. Until that dream comes true, can't we all just be sweet?
During the second beverage service on a flight from DC this afternoon a woman seemed perplexed by the cart in the aisle & asked what we were serving. My flying partner replied "beverages" & looked away knowing this woman was special needs, enter...me. The passenger asked what we had, calmly & sweetly I went through the drink menu, the entire drink menu. After a long pause she explained that she was very thirsty, & asked "what is good for thirst?" I really wanted to give this dipshit 2.5 service, but I just couldn't help myself. I smiled, told her how great water was for thirst & threw in a wink for good measure.
After landing last night a family was upset because we wouldn't call for wheel chairs for their children who didn't want to walk. It was all I could do not to haul off & point out the Cancer patient who was graciously waiting for the chair that she NEEDED.
Flying isn't what it used to be, not even close. This is true for passengers & flight attendants alike. Getting hissed at for not having pillows, blankets, or pretzels sucks royally. If I had a dollar for every eye roll I would be a rich bitch. I'd love nothing more than my passengers to fly on a stack of pillows wrapped in down blankets, choking down an Auntie Anne's. Until that dream comes true, can't we all just be sweet?
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